6 Rules you need to follow before you say ‘yes’

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6 Rules you need to follow before you say ‘yes’

The strangest thing about sex is that everybody thinks they have a say on who, how often and why you should have sex. Here are a set of  6 rules you need to follow before you say ‘yes’ to sleeping with someone. These rules are not exclusive, just follow your instinct and have fun.

There is no right script and it’s only you who has the right answers. Sex is a fabulous thing meant for everyone to enjoy on their own terms.

So, we came up with some simple rules for a more sex-positive approach to sexuality. Whether it’s casual sex, long-term sex, one-night stand sex or booty call.

These 6 rules are guidelines to help you enjoy consensual sex when you feel like it.

1. If you want to have sex, have sex

There’s nothing morally wrong with having sex as long as it’s legal, safe and consensual. Whether you want to wait till you are in a serious relationship, or want to have casual or a one night stand, is up to you. Do what feels right for you.

Sex is not dirty or an evil thing. We need to stop judging and shaming people for having sex. The idea that the more sex you have, the ‘worse’ you are, or that sex is only acceptable months into a longterm relationship is antiquated.

People can own their own sexuality without judgement. You choose what feels right for you, one-night stand, casual sex with multiple partners, sex outside the marriage or swinging. As long as it is safe, legal and consensual you do what feels right for you.

2. Make sure sex is safe

Make sure you’re mentally safe, as well as physically safe, before any sexual encounter. Make sure you feel entirely comfortable going ahead. That also means regular sexual health checks, condoms, contraceptives and so on.

3. Enthusiastic Consent is essential

If you don’t hear a loud, proud and happy ‘yes’ then it’s a ‘no’.

If they are drunk or your partner is drunk and not in control of their actions, they can’t consent.

People can withdraw consent during sex. That’s ok too, sometimes what seemed like a good idea just changes. If they say stop, just stop.

People can consent to some sex acts without consenting to others. If someone is up for oral sex but are not up for penetration, that’s ok too.

4. Check in with your own and your partner’s emotions

You need to check in with your feelings. You might find out after the fun that you have nothing in common – just one instance of good sex. That’s fine too, you shared a great experience together and now it’s time to move on.

5. Don’t feel pressured

You do not have to do what everyone else is doing. What turns someone on might be a complete turn off for you. That’s the nature of human sexuality. What one person is comfortable with might not be for you. Some couples are comfortable opening their relationships, others would experience mad jealousy. Some prefer one-night stands with no string attached. Others prefer booty call as it gives them a semblance of semi attachment. Go with what makes you feel comfortable.

You do not have to have sex or be in a relationship the way you think you’re supposed to be. Adjust things to make them fit you comfortably and find someone or people who want the same.

Don’t worry about meeting some standard or ideal and focus on what feels right for you – whether it’s polyamory, swinging, or a monogamous relationship.

6. Take every experience and learn

Just like masturbation is a great way to learn what works sexually for you. Having sex with people who end up being wrong for you is also a great way to find out what you want and like.

Part of having a fulfilling, enjoyable sex life is being comfortable with your sexuality, your desires and letting go of the shame we have been taught to feel for something that is so natural and normal.

So, never regret having sex because every encounter teaches you something about you and your sexuality.

Sex is awesome. Just enjoy it.

Christina Miller

I love to write, to learn new things, read and travel. I like to write about anything that I’m passionate about and in the process learning a lot about myself. In my spare time, I love to watch a good movie, read a good book or go for a long walk.

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