TED talk
What You Need To Do When You Breakup
What You Need To Do When You Breakup
The reason why it is so hard to move on after breaking up is the notion that we’ve built a whole life around our relationships.
In the Ted talk below, Gary Lewandowski, of psychology at Monmouth University says: ‘The relationships we’re in define us, sustain us and, yep, they can absolutely break us when they end’.
Dr. Gary Lewandowski, Jr., makes the case that if your relationship doesn’t help you become a better person, ending it does. Leaving a bad relationship provides an opportunity for growth and learning.
A breakup doesn’t have to leave us permanently broken. Professor Lewandowski’s research has shown that a breakup can oftentimes be a very good thing.
In 2007, Gary Lewandowski, and his team asked 155 undergraduates who had recently broken up from a long-term relationship and hadn’t rebounded, to descr
ibe the breakup’s overall impact on them. He found that one out of three people characterised their breakup as negative but two out of three people considered their breakup as positive. The results in percentages are: 26% were neutral, 33% were negative and 41% has positive towards their breakup.
Why are these people feeling this way?
A breakup for some people is positive because their previous partners were holding them back and now they found freedom and rediscovered themselves.
Gary Lewandowski explains, “They’re experiencing what I call the rediscovery of their self, which is recapturing the things you may have sacrificed or diminished while you were in a relationship”.
In short, if you are in a bad relationship about to end, first thing you do after breakup is to get out there and start doing things you love. Anything, that makes you feel happy.
Also keep in mind the wise words Lewandowski imparts in this video; “Great relationships seldom fail, bad ones do as they should.” Being in a good relationship will help you grow, help your sense of self and being in this relationship makes you a better person. However, if your relationship is holding you back from growing and becoming a better person then it’s time to let go and move on.
